Who will Sock some sense into them? – Clichéd But True

Contributed by the Girl who loves Dosa; not laundry. Yes, we don’t know her, but we get it (!). Sigh. Boys.

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Dear Boy,

I have lovingly tossed into the washing machine ALL OF YOUR 11 pairs of socks for wash (yes, that magic white machine in the kitchen, the one with a round door which you have never opened – baby, that is not where the green-eyed gnome from your nightmare lives – then why do you vehemently stay away from that door?)

I dug out three of the socks, rolled into cute balls of gunk and sweat, from under the bed. Yes, my back is fine. Oh, you didn’t ask. I even found two of them cleverly hidden amongst the little hill of t-shirts in your cupboard. Baby, I’ll try to explain this one more time. We open the cupboard and put CLEAN clothes in; we then shut the cupboard; we then put the DIRTY clothes inside the laundry bag. I know CLEAN and DIRTY are hard concepts to grasp. The greatest of men haven’t quite got their masculine heads around this one – even Socrates and his companions had lengthy-symposium-debates On How Clean Is a Clean Toga – it’s a toughie, I know. But remember this, darling: Whatever smells like an old egg whipped up with some sour cream dip is DIRTY; without a doubt.

Oh, and I don’t have a cold anymore; and my olfactory senses are back in all their twitching glory. So, when I say the socks are going to generate complaints from our neighbours about leaving garbage out at odd hours of the day, I am NOT being sarcastic. That’s another concept you never fully grasped. When I say things like “Zombie flicks make me want eat my own brain up” and “I will, without batting an eyelid, marry a man who can make a good dosa”- this is NOT me being sarcastic. But, don’t worry about all this too much, baby.

Why else am I with you but to round up and banish all the murky things away from your life; to make it bright and shiny everyday without you even noticing; to joyfully clip on 22 socks onto the clothesline one after the other, with a smile on my face and a glint in my eye.; why else am I with you but to see you fresh and happy just like your freshly-laundered socks? Now, THIS is me being sarcastic. See?

Love,
Girl.

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